dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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