Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There r osticjed everywhere
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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