next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
