I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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