My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
