HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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