My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
