do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
