im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
