Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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