you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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