If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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