Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
