This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
