Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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