Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
