You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
