Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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