please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
