if i can run in heels then i can drive
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
