Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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