Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
