Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Boobs are out for the taking
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
