the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
