Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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