I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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