this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
