I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
