I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
