Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
