My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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