You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
