Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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