Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They are going to name an STD after you.
soo... how was my night?
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