I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
