I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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