her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
