You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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