U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
