it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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