The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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