I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
