Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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