I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
