If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
