Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
