and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
