Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
