There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
