I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
