Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
