But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
