he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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