Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
