I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
